"They sicken of the calm, who know the storm."
- Dorothy Parker

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
- Albert Einstein

The Shrimp

A shrimp who sought his lady shrimp
Could catch no glimpse
Not even a glimp.
At times, translucence
Is rather a nuisance.
- Ogden Nash

My Dream

This is my dream,
It is my own dream,
I dreamt it.
I dreamt that my hair was kempt.
Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.
- Ogden Nash

Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his
Shivering, sighing
And he swears his love for you is
Infinite, undying
Lady, make a note of this
One of you is lying
- Dorothy Parker

Symptom Recital

I do not like my state of mind;
I'm bitter, querulous, unkind.
I hate my legs, I hate my hands,
I do not yearn for lovelier lands.
I dread the dawn's recurrent light;
I hate to go to bed at night.
I snoot at simple, earnest folk.
I cannot take the gentlest joke.
I find no peace in paint or type.
My world is but a lot of tripe.
I'm disillusioned, empty-breasted.
For what I think, I'd be arrested.
I am not sick, I am not well.
My quondam dreams are shot to hell.
My soul is crushed, my spirit sore;
I do not like me any more.
I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse.
I ponder on the narrow house.
I shudder at the thought of men....
I'm due to fall in love again.
- Dorothy Parker

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.
- Dorothy Parker


he trifled with his lover's heart
and when he came to call on her
(in her office on the 23rd floor)
although she was not very large
so cruelly defenestrated was he
- Catherine Jenkins
Pigeon Lake ON

"If I were the man you wanted I would not be the man that I am"
- Lyle Lovett

"The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost."
- G.K. Chesterton


Were you to cross the world, my dear,
To work or love or fight,
I could be calm and wistful here,
And close my eyes at night.

It were a sweet and gallant pain
To be a sea apart;
But, oh, to have you down the lane
Is bitter to my heart.
- Dorothy Parker

Two-Volume Novel

The sun's gone dim, and
The moon's turned black;
For I loved him, and
He didn't love back.
- Dorothy Parker

Social Note

Lady, lady, should you meet
One whose ways are all discreet,
One who murmurs that his wife
Is the lodestar of his life,
One who keeps assuring you
That he never was untrue,
Never loved another one ...
Lady, lady, better run!
- Dorothy Parker

After a Spanish Proverb

Oh, mercifullest one of all,
Oh, generous as dear,
None lived so lowly, none so small,
Thou couldst withhold thy tear

How swift, in pure compassion,
How meek in charity,
To offer friendship to the one
Who begged but love of thee!

Oh, gentle word, and sweetest said!
Oh, tender hand, and first
To hold the warm, delicious bread
To lips burned black of thirst
- Dorothy Parker

What do you get when you kiss a girl?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
And after you do, she'll never phone ya
I'll never fall in love again.
- Burt Bacharach

"Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. "
- W. Somerset Maugham

"One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: -give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly - Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. "
- Ruth Smythers
Marriage advice for women, 1894";

"Familiarity breeds contempt, but without a little familiarity, it's impossible to breed anything."
- Noel Coward

"Love, n.
A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient. "
- Ambrose Bierce

"Bride, n.
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."
- Ambrose Bierce

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde

"Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women like to be a man's last romance."
- Oscar Wilde

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
- Oscar Wilde

"True friends stab you in the front."
- Oscar Wilde

"I love you and you love me. This is a closed loop. It's boring. I love you and you love someone else. Now that's interesting."
- Sting (This quote may not be precise. My apologies.)

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

Charlie Brown (Charles M. Schulz)

"Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.

Bette Davis

"There's a lot to be said for self-delusionment when it comes to matters of the heart.

Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider
(Northern Exposure)

"Is love supposed to last throughout all time, or is it like trains changing at random stops. If I loved her, how could I leave her? If I felt that way then, how come I don't feel anything now?"
- Jeff Melvoin
(Northern Exposure)

"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."
- Lynda Barry

"Most of you have been where I am tonight. The crash site of unrequited love. You ask yourself, How did I get here? What was it about? Was it her smile? Was it the way she crossed her legs, the turn of her ankle, the poignant vulnerability of her slender wrists? What are these elusive and ephemeral things that ignite passion in the human heart? That's an age-old question. It's perfect food for thought on a bright midsummer's night."
- Martin Sage and Sybil Adelman
(Northern Exposure)

"Think about a woman. Doesn't know you're thinking about her. Doesn't care you're thinking about her. Makes you think about her even more."
- Martin Sage and Sybil Adelman
(Northern Exposure)

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all."
- Samuel Butler

"Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
- Rabbi Julius Gordon

Sweet Cupid, ripen her desire,
Thy joyful harvest may begin;
If age approach a little nigher,
'T'will be too late to get it in.
- Elizabethan love song

"Oh Lord give me chastity, but do not give it yet."
- St Augustine

"The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutang trying to play the violin."
- Honore de Balzac

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
- Woody Allen

"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
- Woody Allen

"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L convertible."
- P.J. O'Rourke

"All marriages are mixed marriages."
- Chantal Saperstein